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Life Coach’s Assessment: It is True That Love and Money Go Together

May 26, 2012

Money management is a sensor of a relationship and a good reason to seek Relationship Advice. Handling your family money is crucial for creating family harmony, relationship strength and marriage stability. It not only can determine what you can afford and where you can go but also effects the couple’s emotional life and their intimacy quality level. There are many jokes about how ‘money and love go together’ but actually, learning how to manage your family income is a very serious business and a frequent task of a Life Coach.

It is not too extreme to declare that taking control of your family budget is in effect securing a constant flow of positive reinforcements into your love life. Both partners have to understand where their money is coming from; they both should determine where it goes. From a Marriage Counseling point of view the questions are how adequate communication skills they have and how cooperative decision making processes they actually exercise. The more the couple shares the same values the less the difficulty is  once resources are less than desired or expected. Much guidance is needed therefore in situations where each partner’s interest is far from being aligned. Another way to say it: the way a couple manages their money reflects their values, life expectations and their mutual comfort to adjust and compromise.

Budgeting is as essential to married life as doing the laundry and cleaning the dishes    The budgeting process needs a lot of social-relationships skills; some tools may be very helpful, such as the simple calculator or the more elaborated budget planner.

Outlined below are the various budgeting steps and their corresponding human skills that you want to have in order to get a win-win result with your spouse. The first step the couple want to initiate is the priority list; agree about the obligations they are willing to take as well designing a part of their future by targeting the options they both see available and attractive. Communicating about their obligations (like rent, health insurance and alike) would revile their personalities (risk taking versus conservative; immediate reword seeker versus a long runner, and so on) and dominance issues are naturally a focus of a trained Life Coach.

Working on the numbers, charts, graphs and other accounting features will trigger cognitive abilities and activate negotiating skills. This is the stage to observe signs of self esteem issues. A great deal of  Relationship Advice literature exists regarding eliminating contagious remarks / believes such as ‘stay beautiful and silent’, or ‘ your job is to bring the money and my job is to pay the bills’.

Keeping focused on a moving target Creating a realistic budget is worthless unless you monitor your actual financial situation on a weekly / monthly basis and periodically re-assess and adjust your situation. Personality characteristics as stress threshold level, honesty, trustfulness and ability to reject temptations play a crucial role in this never ending ‘budget maintenance’ process. It’s O.K to delegate responsibilities since the job involves various tasks: tracking actual expenses needs the partner who is ‘into the details’ and willing to act as a strict accountant. Over viewing the general expenditure behavior trend should be a team job since  personality differences of optimism / pessimism would most likely appear. Updating and adjusting the budget means making compromises.

Be aware that the ‘do it yourself’ is not definitely cheaper than using the on call professional Life Coach who knows what he/she is doing…


Dr. Joseph Abraham, Life Coach. Director, Center for Human Growth and Business Insights, Mechanicsburg, PA Tel 717-943.0959 and




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